So often we believe that racism is about the individual, the 1-1 accusations, lies and hurt, but actually it goes on with couples too. Whatever was manifesting in the external world comes and finds its place in the hearts of two people who love each other. Racism then mangles and distorts love.
Racism can be the very one thing that is never talked about but its insidious and pernicious nature can destroy two people. However, if two people have the courage to talk about racism openly and address their feelings of hurt and pain, and are willing to step into each other's wounds together, then from this painful distortion of relating can come a more genuine deeper love of the other person. But this takes work.
I invite you to listen to two people who have offered their generosity to let you hear the moment where they too decide to step into the racial wound together.
"Listen to this rich and moving exploration of how racism hurts a mixed race couple. You will meet Neha who is Indian and Simon who is white, and hear how, with the sensitive guidance of body-psychotherapist, Charmaine invites them to communicate across the divide.
The spontaneous dialogue between Charmaine and Neha is full of clear truth, offering validation for black and brown people whilst, at the same time, for white people it provides deep, deep learning. As a white person listening, I can hear the constant awkwardness in Simon’s voice because I recognise it in myself. And in his silences I can feel my own version of shutdown. These silences translate as violence to the black and brown body as we abandon them to work through racial conflict alone.
I think the shadow of white supremacy looms over Simon and gets stuck in his throat - it is like an ancient spell - or curse rather - under which white people are held and which stops us from reaching out and stepping into the racial wounding of human kind. It is so distressing to hear Neha’s anger and pain in the divide of race within their relationship whilst Simon’s struggle to find words to join her in her pain is palpable.
By the end of this audio I was left thinking to myself that white people have to learn to fight through the silence so as not to leave people of colour suffering in it’s deafening roar. And something else - that love alone doesn’t heal racial conflict in relationships - it takes conscious thought and action to challenge and break through the bonds of white supremacy that holds sway over so much of humanity."
Lizzie Cummings
If you are in a interracial relationship and want to explore racial wounding, contact me at contact@kokorotherapy.co.uk.
Listen to audio podcasts:
Racism in Interracial Relationships
